okay. I'm suffering from the syndrome of "I know I could do better." silver doesn't mean second rank. I wouldn't be this down if it was. the point is that everybody gets one, either outstanding, gold, silver or bronze. and now you understand
s i l v e r i s s t a n d a r d
like what I mentioned on my very first post on this blog, I hate my everything in standards.
and .... I felt like crying right when I saw the disappointed face of my teacher. But what made me still smiled, is that ... that she still praised me. she said "it's alright. you have done your best. and you improve much than before" she was way too kind, and so I fell deeper to the gorge of guiltiness. so sorry :'( can't payback your kindness. the flashback of her asking me to come early in the morning for practicing flooded my mind. the way she supported and motivated me. and the time when I played the song. the moment when I couldn't remember the notes. the silver award. the gold achievers. they drive me crazy. should try harder to get over my on-stage nervousness next year.
P.S. I wish my parents were there, watching and giving me applauses, then even if I had played worse, it would be all worth.
I still thank God. thanks, I'm not bronze.